WHEN LOVE COMES CALLING

This Valentine's Day, PIONEER speaks to three couples who found the love of their lives in the Singapore Armed Forces (SAF).

Sometimes, life catches us by surprise when we least expect it.

These servicemen and women may have joined the SAF to pursue an interest in military technology or simply to fulfil a desire to serve the country, but little did they know that they would meet their life partners in the military.

What attracts them to each other? What are the ingredients for a successful marriage? How do they cope when overseas deployments take their other half away from home for weeks?

Here are their love stories.

From friendship to love

Two long months. That's the time it took the normally decisive Captain (CPT) Zhu to muster up the courage to confess his love for CPT Tung.

"We were too close to consider taking our friendship further. What if she didn t like me? I was worried that the confession might disrupt the status quo," he said.

What set him on the right path eventually was an astute observation made by his mother: "Of all your female friends, Wanling is the most suitable for you."

But CPT Zhu did not succeed on his first attempt. He had arranged for the florist to deliver a rose to her house before their dinner date, but she had set off early and only saw the flower after she returned.

CPT Tung recounted: "I called him and asked what was the rose for. He didn't answer directly." Added CPT Zhu with a laugh: "She refused to talk to me for a few days after that."

The second attempt took place a week later. After he walked her to the front door, he stood there, looking hesitant. CPT Tung knew he was up to something. So she gave him a hug and asked, "Will it be easier if you tell me while I hug you?" And the rest, as they say, is history.

A friendship that began in the middle of 2006, when they met while applying for the same scholarship, eventually grew into a loving relationship in February 2009. The couple then tied the knot on 12 Sep last year.

CPT Leon Zhu, 28
Officer Commanding,
41st Battalion,
Singapore Armoured Regiment

CPT Tung Wanling, 25
Assistant Operations Officer,
RSS Supreme

Married
Five months

Been in the SAF
Nine & seven years respectively

What drew you close to each other?

CPT Zhu: "We were house-mates for one and a half years, together with a few other Singaporeans who were studying in London. Although we went to different colleges, we played sports like floorball together. I also introduced her to ice hockey, since she played field hockey in her junior college days."

CPT Tung: "There wasn't a particular incident which brought us closer. We talked very often and shared random stuff. We went out for dinner regularly. We toured Germany together during the Christmas break in 2006. I saw Leon as a good friend then - someone who was around all the time."

How do you maintain the relationship when one of you is deployed overseas for weeks?

CPT Zhu: "Shortly after our wedding, Wanling was deployed to the Gulf of Aden for anti-piracy operations, and I went to Australia for Exercise Wallaby. When either of us travels to places without phone reception or Internet connection, we'll type long messages and save as drafts, then send them out when we get connection. There are always ways to work around it. When she did her Masters in Oxford in 2010, I was back in Singapore and we stayed connected though Skype."

CPT Tung: "Although we're from different Services, being in the same organisation helps us better understand what's required of each other at work. In fact, sometimes when I encounter difficulty in my job, I'll ask for his advice and get inspiration from there."

"We like sports. Our dates consist mostly of sports activities, like running, visiting the gun club and playing ice hockey."
- CPT Zhu on their common interest

Secure in love

As the saying goes, "Third time's the charm". While Lieutenant Colonel (LTC) Tan and Major (MAJ) Ong met briefly in 2003 and were work acquaintances in 2004, it was only in late 2006 that sparks began to fly.

So what brought them together? "NDP!" said LTC Tan with a laugh. The pair, who were then both in the 35th Battalion, Singapore Combat Engineers, got to know each other better as they were heavily involved in the preparation and coordination of the show and artiste management for the 2007 National Day Parade or NDP.

However, it wasn't love at first sight. Said MAJ Ong frankly: "When we first started working together in 2006, a few others and I would try to 'escape' whenever we saw him. He was always asking us to do work, and he's the type who's very demanding and argues with people." Her husband interjected: "It's called being task-oriented!"

Continued MAJ Ong: "But over time, I realised that he's a very down-to-earth person, and I felt it was a waste to give up the opportunity to know him better."

Four years into a happy marriage with one son and another child on the way, it's clear that the first impression is not always a lasting one.

LTC Tan Tiong Keat, 33
Military Assistant to
Chief of Defence Force

MAJ Ong Han Han, 31
Staff Officer,
National Service Affairs Department

Married
Four years

Child
Two-year-old son, Isaac

Been in the SAF
14 years & 11 years
respectively

What attracted you to each other?

LTC Tan: "There's always something special about women who choose to join the military. You don't even get a lot of guys who are willing to do that, and I think it says a lot about their strength of character. Han Han is also a person who is nice to everybody, and I felt she complemented my 'hard' and task-oriented character."

MAJ Ong: "I felt that he was honest and dependable. He's not the boyfriend-type, but he's husband-material. He's a boring person, but he's someone who can take care of the family."

What's the sweetest thing your partner has done for you?

LTC Tan: "Bringing my son, Isaac, into this world. He was born two months premature. Having him has really changed the way I view a lot of things, and also reinforced my belief about many things in the military. As a parent, your purpose is to bring your kid up. We're in the military to protect and make sure there's a society and nation for him to live in."

MAJ Ong: "There's no one thing, but he plans for us and our future. That gives me a sense of security and makes me feel that life will be okay."

"She understands how the system works. It's good to have someone who checks my blind spots and reminds me when I overlook certain things."
- LTC Tan on the perks of having a spouse who's also in the military

Love overcomes adversity

He had always had a special interest in aircraft since childhood; she was attracted to the smart No. 3 uniform of the Republic of Singapore Air Force (RSAF).

Mr Jegathesan and Military Expert (ME) 3 Yogeswary joined the RSAF in 1989 and became course-mates when they enrolled in a course for Air Operations and Communications Assistants.

"The curriculum was very demanding. I even cried a few times because I couldn't take the stress," recalled ME3 Yogeswary, who enlisted when she was 19 years old.

Whenever she was down, Mr Jegathesan would crack jokes to lighten the mood. Over the next few months, she reciprocated his encouragement by lending a listening ear. Said Mr Jegathesan: "Had it not been for the mutual support, we might have dropped out of the course."

By the time they graduated, they had become a couple. Even though they were posted to different units, their work required them to contact each other sometimes.

What are the perks of marrying a colleague? ME3 Yogeswary said she was thankful that her husband, who left the SAF in 1995 and is now working as a lead technician in an oil and gas company, knows very well the demands of her job. When she had to work shifts in her previous appointment as an Air Operations System Specialist, he would make arrangements to take care of their children at home.

What attracted you to each other?

Mr Jegathesan: "She's a very good listener. (And) whenever she has problems, she ll come to me for advice. This shows that she trusts me a lot."

Jegathesan s/o Paramasivam, 44
former Air Operations
Specialist

ME3 Yogeswary, 42
Command and Control
Information Systems
In-Charge, Air Power
Generation Command

Married
17 years

Children
Three sons, Aravind
(16 years old),
Sharvesh (12 years old)
& Sathishvarma
(Six years old)

Been in the SAF
Seven & 23 years
respectively

ME3 Yogeswary: "Since the first day I met him, his personality has stayed the same. He's always cheerful and humorous. (And) he gets along very well with my friends."

How are you celebrating Valentine's Day?

ME3 Yogeswary: "For the past 17 years since we got married, we've been going on staycations at local hotels every Valentine's Day and wedding anniversary."

Mr Jegathesan: "Sometimes we bring our kids along, sometimes we don't (laughs). It adds value to our relationship because it takes us away from life's usual hustle and bustle, and gives us the private space that we used to have as a dating couple."

"If either party is willing to take a step back, it's easier to work around the problem and find an amiable solution."
- Mr Jegasthesan on why compromise is key to a successful relationship